How Not To Win Mother Of The Year

*** Preface ***
The following is not a recommended form of mothering even if you are sick with nasty growths in your throat, a head under severe pressure, and 2 sick kids, but sometimes it's just the way it is . . .

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Let your 2.5 year old crawl into bed with you at 7:30 in the morning to watch cartoons because you are too tired to get your ass out of bed.

Get out of bed an hour later and serve him organic cocoa puffs and a granola bar for breakfast in front of the living room tv.

Continue letting him watch tv until 1:00pm. (Don't feed him lunch)

Read him 2 books before nap time.

Leave and take your 4 month old to the doctor (sinus infection) while your friend sits at your house for 2.5 hours without being able to access the Internet.

Come home right when he is waking up at 3:30pm.

Let him watch movies downstairs until 6:00pm.

Ignore the fact that he is eating directly out of a half-gallon tub of frozen yogurt he drug out the freezer, down the stairs, and onto the coffee table all by himself without asking.

Consider the frozen yogurt "dinner" once you take it upstairs to the kitchen, put it in a bowl and continue to let him eat it.

Try to make up for the horrible mothering day by coloring a bit, only to resort back to the tv until bath time.

Again feeling guilty, spell out words on the tub wall in bath letters. S-A-M, F-I-S-H, T-O-Y while you bounce your 4 month old in his bouncy seat with your foot.

Let him watch more tv while drinking hot-milk before brushing his teeth and clipping his finger nails.

Read him 3 books. Well 2 actually. The third was more of a turn 4 pages at once, speed read.

Say goodnight and plop down on the couch to nurse your 4 month old before putting him to bed so you can put your feet up and blog.