Wiener Wars

I have always known that men love their penises.  Nothing new there.  It's a toy.  It's a compass.  It's a measuring stick.  Whatever.  Why wouldn't they love them?  It's like a built in Swiss army knife with a life time warranty that they can never misplace.   It's perfect.

I just had no idea the fixation and fascination started so damn young. 

I suppose it was inevitable raising three boys but I guess I really never gave it much thought until recently.  I feel like I am the penis police at a freak show.  Bo can not keep his hands off of his.  Every time I turn around, his hands are down his pants doing lord knows what.  And now that Sam is fresh out of diapers, his is a whole new adventure for him.  He likes to run around naked and show everyone how big it is. 

Then there's the Wiener Wars.  Yep.  The highly disturbing, highly competitive sport of wiener wrestling.  Basically it's arm wresting for penises.  I am not an advocate or sponsor, but unfortunately have been a spectator and let me tell you, it is not pretty.  Actually I wish I could erase it from my memory bank, but instead, I figure I'd just write about it so Bo and Sam can read this when they are all grown up and see what they put me through as kids. 

As the penis police I try to enforce the house rules much like that in the outside world with 'indecent exposure' and 'playing with oneself' a punishable offense if in public spaces but ok in the confines of ones room or the bathroom. 

However my duties go well beyond that of law enforcement.  I am also the penis professor.  Just last night Bo asked me in all seriousness, "Mom, what is the part of your wiener, not the big tank part, but the part down below with the 2 dots?  Is that where the juice comes from?" 

WHAT?!?  The juice?  WTF is he talking about? 

I just bit my lip, told him to ask Dad and then laughed at him behind his back. Sorry Bo, but really?  Juice?  I'm still confused.   However, kudos on calling it "the tank".  Nice one.